There was no blame. There was no guilt. She felt at peace with it all."No Master, " she whispered. "I no longer blame myself."He pulled her closer and...held her tight, kissing her head. "The guilt has gone?" Yes." It was the truth. "I guess it's... um, I feel as if I don't need to judge myself now, Master. I feel like.... I know you will be my judge and if I am found wanting, you will decide upon appropriate punishment. So I don't need to punish myself anymore."He moved one hand to her face,. I’ve no family, no heir. I’ve known it was my lot to die on campaign and I welcomed it – so why her and not me?”He got up, ashamed, and turned to go but Gillen called him back. “Each of us has a final, permanent death waiting for us, my friend. It’s out there, amorphous, just waiting for the time to strike. We can’t stop it, no matter how we try. In the end, it will get us. What makes us matter is not that we are going to die – that is inevitable. What makes us matter is how we live; how we get. I really had to force myself to not look around, but keep my eyesdown, demurely and my full attention on the Master. When he re-secured my arms to the cross he setthem lower this time, so I wouldn't damage the radial nerve that was stillbuzzing. Thoughtful, Master, thank you. The Mistress wandered back over, and she saidthat it was five minutes until the contest. I could do that. I could do anythingfor five minutes. They started out hard this time, well it feltthat way to me, but I was so. If I can't make herhappy with my tiny dick ... by any means necessary. I had been as polite and pleasant as possible following the pot incident.I was on my eleventh day without release and in dire anticipation of therelease I could expect over the weekend when I messed up big. We werewatching tv when a Mother's Day commercial came on. I stupidly said "Ineed to get my mother something." I'm sorry I'm not sure I heard that correctly. Can you repeat what yousaid please."I fucked up. I made her.
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